Clarence Worly's Southeast Idaho

Actual photo of Obama hating mob of gun toting  SE Idahoans proving themselves to be far more stupid and ignorant than previously believed.

Idaho Falls – Approximately 400 – 3500 frightened middle-aged white folks gathered at the Bonneville County court house yesterday to protest the federal government.

Unhappy there is still a half-black president running the country, these self-proclaimed patriots took to the streets armed with rifles and hand guns and misspelled protest signs in an effort to highlight the degree of paranoia they feel everyday living in here rural Idaho.

“That motherfuckin’ cocksucker Kenyan is tryin’ to git our guns so’s he can make our daughters have them colored babies,” exclaimed event organizer and Tea Party Commandant Chip Christian.

“Long as we got guns and bullits ain’t nobody gonna tell us what to do. Back in the Civil war them Orientals done got the guns away from all the citizens and the Nazi’s lost their freedom. Well I’m here to tell you that ain’t never gonna happen in Idaho, we love freedom and we love our daughters.”

Local police largely ignored the heavily armed mob due to fact most officers had family members involved in the anti-government protest and didn’t want to be shot by their own blood.

Several small business owners commented on how this event would probably destroy tourism in Southeast Idaho and drive them out of business since the rest of the country doesn’t think it’s appropriate to allow large groups of armed gun fanatics to intimidate passersby.

A California resident visiting family stated, “This will be our only trip to Idaho Falls, seriously, what in the fuck is wrong with you people? Are you all inbred or just retarded?”

When confronted with the statements from business owners and out of state visitors, several of the armed anti-government protesters exclaimed in unison, “2^nd Amendment! Love it or leave it! Fuck them commie bastards! Show us the birth certificate! Freedom isn’t free! Constitution! Cold dead hands!”

The pack of poorly educated firearm enthusiasts plan to continue getting together every weekend to waddle around the greenbelt and carry guns and signs and scare the shit of law abiding citizens until the federal government legalizes civilian ownership of all military weapons, including machine guns, tanks, fighter aircraft, and tactical nuclear warheads.

“We’re gonna hate our government until we get a nice white guy back in the white house who lets us own any weapon we want so we can protect ourselves from the government we love!”

On behalf of my fellow AARP members, I would like to have an open and frank discussion about a plague in this country largely ignored by polite American society.

Stickers.

Not the awesome “I Voted” stickers you get at Hawthorne elementary on Election Day or the 3-D “Latino Pride” stickers you get for fifty cents out of the old school vending machines at Morenita’s. Nope, I’m talking about stickers that come permanently adhered to everything from coffee cups to new drill motors. I’m talking about stickers that have a bar code accompanied by what should be the three most dreaded words in the English language.

Made in China.

It should come as no surprise that before Clarence Worly buys anything, he checks for stickers. If there is a sticker, he checks to see if it will easily peel off, and if it doesn’t, he places it back on the shelf and refuses to buy it. Also, how big of a dick do you have to be to talk about yourself in the third person? Well, just keep reading to find out…

You see, at my age, I don’t have the dexterity or the patience to buy a twenty-three cent doo-dad and then spend forty-five minutes scrubbing a mother-fucking sticker off said doo-dad after I get it home.

I realize the probable reason these stickers won’t come off is because the item on which they are adhered sat in the cargo hold of some giant ass ship for ten months where temperatures reached nine hundred degrees, but I seriously do not give a fuck.

I also realize I could just leave the sticker on the item. But I don’t yet reside in a trailer so for now I can’t live with stickers on everything.

This week I bought twenty doo-dads that hook into peg board so you can hang all your Made in China shit off them. Of course the peg board doo-dads were made in China and of course every fucking one of them had a sticker on it to make sure we all know it was made in China. I bitched about the stickers to some meat sack wearing an orange Home Depot apron, and although I clearly interrupted his all important task of standing around playing stink-finger, he managed to direct me to the Goo Gone isle.

That’s right; this Made in China sticker shit has gotten so bad they actually have an entire industry dedicated to making toxic shit you spray on the Made in China stickers so they come off with only a razor blade instead of a hammer and chisel.

“Just spray this here stuff on there and them stickers come right off,” the well-meaning but clearly mentally challenged Home Depot attendant proudly stated. I asked if the Goo Gone was free. I was informed the little spray bottle was in fact $4.95.

I pointed out the doo-dads I was buying were only eighty-seven cents so why in the name of all that is holy would I buy a bottle of five dollar shit just so I could get the stickers off? I might just as well have asked his thoughts on the Fibonacci sequence. He just repeated, “Just spray this here stuff on there and them stickers come right off.”

Brawndo has electrolytes.

Guess where Goo Gone is made? It’s a fucking conspiracy I tell you! Those Chinese bastards know old people in America can’t get those fucking stickers off. And they know old people will drive nine hundred miles if they think they can save twelve cents on a hemorrhoid cream dispenser. And they know old people in America can’t live with Made in China stickers stuck on all their possessions.

So now China has the market cornered on sticker remover. A market they created!

Well here’s what Clarence Worly says:

Life is short, fuck China, fuck their permanent stickers, and fuck their Goo Gone permanent sticker remover. From now on I’m buying all my Chinese made shit that I don’t really even need at garage sales. That way some dipshit relief society volunteer in her thirties has already spent countless minutes, minutes that she can’t ever get back, scrubbing off Made in China stickers. Hence, I won’t have to waste any of my precious minutes of my few remaining years obsessing over Made in China stickers.

Jesus, sometimes it’s just no fun being me…

Goddamn it, why can’t I just fall asleep like a normal person?

I wonder if people who are assholes do that shit on purpose or if they don’t even realize they’re assholes and that everyone hates them.

My back is killing me, I should get up and stretch or something.

I wonder what the hell happened to those Jensen speakers I was using downstairs, I bet one of the kids took them, or maybe I got drunk and gave them to someone and I don’t remember giving them away.

Jesus, why do old women put on so much perfume? It makes me wanna gag; smells like they dumped a bottle of Channel # 5 on a dirty ass.

I wonder if those guys driving jacked up 4×4’s really do have tiny dicks or if they’re just insecure about being stupid.

I need to get that little fridge on Craigslist.

Am I the only person in the United States with all the answers? Surly there must be someone out there as smart as me.

If that dog farts one more time I’m gonna kill him.

What ever happened to that guy that played MaxHead Room in that super shitty TV series back in the 80’s?

Goddamn it, roll over. That snoring is driving me nuts.

I should lose a bunch of weight so I feel better.

Do these gun kooks really think they’re helping their cause by having rallies and saying really stupid redneck shit? They’re fucking it up for the rest of us.

This C-PAP machine is a load of shit. All it does is dry my throat out and keep me awake. These sleep study quacks should be killed along with real estate agents and used car salesman. Oh, and DJs, all DJs should be put to death. Dicks.

Come to think of it, I’m the only person in the US that should be allowed to own a gun; everybody else is a fucking idiot.

I wonder what the hell is wrong with that brake light switch on my truck. I’m getting pretty tired of dead batteries.

I should get another boat, I really like boats.

Man I hope I die quickly and I’m young enough to still have a purpose in society.

On second thought, boats are a pain in the ass. Plus I don’t have anyone to help me put in and take out.

I bet Mitt Romney really thought he was gonna win. What a dickhead. God I’m glad Frank Vandersloot paid for that shit. What a another dickhead.

I wouldn’t mind getting another dog after these three assholes are dead; but not one that barks and farts and snores and pisses the floor every fucking night. I want a normal dog. And I’m gonna name him Dave.

It would be awesome to have money and not have to work anymore. I’m sick of working. I’ve been working non-stop since 1977.

I should have taken time be an unemployed dope smoking snowboarder like all these dipshit thirty-somethings on Facebook.

Look what being responsible has got me. I live half a mile from the house where I grew up. I’m such a loser.

God I hate Idaho Falls and this stagnant conservative culture. Why in the fuck did I let the Ex talk me into moving back here? I promised myself back in high school I would get out of here and never look back, fuck me.

I have got to find out what that $4.95 charge is every month on the checking account. Alabama prolly signed up for some stupid monthly charge shit.

I’m so glad I finished college. I can’t figure out why people are willing to work at shitty jobs they hate.

I can’t believe that Mormon asshole I took government from 33 years ago is introducing a bill to make cursive writing mandatory in elementary school. I’d like to personally punch every Republican idiot that voted for him.

I gotta get the garage swept out so we stop tracking all that black shit all over the kitchen.

Fuck I hate living in Idaho Falls. It would be so cool if Palisades dam would collapse and wipe it off the face of the earth. Except for my friends, I’ll need those guys to party with after.

Why the hell does that checker chick that works at Smith’s wear so much make up? She looks like a fucking ancient Egyptian. Her husband should tell her she looks like hand-painted shit.

Man I would have liked to ram that stupid fuck who cut me off this morning. Probably one of those gun rally assholes. Or a redneck; I’m really sick of rednecks. We should kill all those fuckers too.

I gotta do something about my attitude. I can’t change my situation for another 10 years.

How come deer and elk never interbreed?

Holy fuck, when I retire I will have worked 47 straight years. That’s bullshit.

What is with my neighbors? That one guy is a freak; he hasn’t made eye contact with me for 5 years. Maybe it’s me, maybe he’s afraid I’m gonna corrupt his delicate religious beliefs with my foul mouth and irreverent behavior.

That’s it, I’m throwing that farting dog’s ass outside and I don’t give a shit if he barks all night.

Goddamn it, why can’t I just fall asleep like a normal person?

As Americans, we love to be told what we want to hear, and there are plenty of folks out there that are more than willing to fill that role. From infomercials to political debates to religion, it seems the only reality we want to accept is the one in which everything is going to be fine, so let’s all just stop worrying about things that are out of our control and buy more Chinese made shit we don’t really need.

Liars, or should I say, personalities that cater to our willingness to live in the false reality created by American culture, have essentially overtaken every aspect of what it means to be a citizen of this country.

This isn’t new, we bought into the idealized version of how things should be way back in the 40’s when the media pushed patriotism hard and we all pulled together for a brief period to whip Hitler, Tojo, and their evil minions of freedom hating robots.

The 1950’s provided us with the framework to lead the perfect life, provided of course, you were a white male Christian. Yes, there was a Leave it to Beaver mentality across the nation and everyone prospered. Well, everyone who fit the mold that is. I’m pretty sure living in Montgomery Alabama as an African-American woman in 1954 wasn’t quite as rewarding for most as say, and nice white family enjoying their new tract home in Orange County California.

But that’s all part of the big picture isn’t it? We don’t talk about the accepted atrocities carried out against minorities and women and children in this country, doesn’t fit into the ideals of the American dream we rigidly hold so near and dear.

Hence, we love to be lied to, we don’t want to look in the dark corners of our society, and more than anything else, as mentioned above, we want to be told what we want to hear.

Remember these infamous I won’t come in your mouth lines from our moral pillars of American society?

I am not a crook. – Richard Nixon

Oh my God, Nicole is killed? Oh my God, she is dead? – OJ Simpson

This is my body, and I can do whatever I want to it. I can push it; Study it; Tweak it; Listen to it. Everybody wants to know what I am on. What am I on? I am on my bike busting my ass six hours a day; What are YOU on? – Lance Armstrong

All the things I love is what my business is all about. – Martha Stewart

I did not have sexual relations with that woman.- Bill Clinton

Why can’t you share your bed? The most loving thing to do is share your bed with someone. It’s very charming. It’s very sweet. It’s what the whole world should do. – Michael Jackson

We have discovered weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. – George W. Bush

More guns mean less crime. – Wayne La Pierre

The other day, I went to the farmers market, and everybody was hugging me and stuff, but there were people on the outside saying, murderer. – Robert Blake

This list could go on indefinitely. As a society, the only difference between the US and the cannibal tribes that occupy Borneo is money and technology. Seriously, in many ways we’re all just as ignorant and gullible and superstitious and violent.

We want to believe the magical economic run the US has had for the past 225 years will go on forever, even though facts and figures tell the rest of the world the fat lady sang back in 2000.

We’re sixteen trillion dollars in debt and we have moved our ability to build things to foreign countries so super rich white guys can get more super rich by paying slave wages to slaves. Take this challenge, walk into any store in the United States, pick up the first item you see and read where it was made. It ain’t going to be America.

Are we all so fucking stupid we can’t see the end is nigh?

Our credit has been downgraded.

We have a non-functioning governing body.

And now we want to believe issuing 23 executive orders is a step in the right direction to curb our insatiable blood lust to murder one another by limiting the availability of small arms to civilians?

Like a football team down 77-0 with three minutes left on the clock, we are turning on each other out of frustration.

There will be hundreds more mass murders.

There are 300 million weapons in the country; 50 million of those are semi-automatic with large capacity magazines.  The only way to get those weapons off the street is to empower the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives to search every single American home using drug raid tactics to confiscate them all in the name of humanity.

And that will NEVER happen. Fuck humanity – 2^nd Amendment motherfuckers! The mentality is like watching someone destroy themselves with crack or meth.  As a nation, we just can’t get enough death and destruction and murder of innocents. I simply don’t understand the hatred and ignorance behind all of it. But I do understand this new breed of gun zealot scares the living shit out of me, and if these fucking pro-assault rifle morons are gonna start cracking off rounds in the name of their constitutional blah, blah, bullshit; I’m going to make Goddamned sure I too have an arsenal so I can shoot back.  Boy, sounds like freedom to me…

And more super rich white guys are going to continue to rape our economy and move the money off shore.

And our elected legislators will continue to not legislate and become further entrenched in the corruption that has become the norm for our government and they will continue to line their own pockets, because in their heart of hearts, they don’t give a shit about the well being of this country.

And we will keep on plunging headlong into our final days, first as a superpower and then as a nation.

And even though we know deep down the American dream is taking its final dying gasps, we will continue to live in the reality that everything’s going to be just fine.

Until it isn’t…

So for now, I think I’ll  put my .38 LCR in my pocket, because I can legally carry a gun around in public, and I feel I have to in order to protect myself from all the fuckheads who also legally carry a gun in public, and drive over to Wal-Mart in my Toyota, and buy a cheap coffee maker and put it on a credit card.

Because Gosh, I’m living the American dream!

I dropped Alabama off at the airport this morning; she’s off to see kin in Southern California for the weekend. That means I’m a bachelor for two full days, and unbeknownst to most folks, I’m not very good at being a bachelor.

Last time this happened was fall of 2011, the time I lost my truck for two days. Dunno how it happened, but I somehow managed to have so much fun at a Clumsy-Lovers show that I could not for the life of me remember where I parked, and I sure as hell wasn’t about to wander around Idaho Falls on foot asking other pedestrians if they had seen a beat to shit old Dodge that looked like it may have been abandoned.

In her wisdom, Alabama took extra precautions this time around. First she had me drop her off to catch her flight, which means if I lose one outfit, I still have a backup vehicle so I can drive around and find the one I misplaced.

She put several emergency phone numbers on the fridge should something bad happen with the dogs, like peeing or puking or shitting in the house. She knows I’m not really equipped to handle that sort of thing. Last time the dog Honey pissed the floor I poured lighter fluid all over the area expectorated upon and put a match to it.

According to Alabama there are other methods of cleaning pet accidents besides burning the house down.

Whatever…

She also pinned $60 cash to the fridge in case I need to call in some BBQ from Ruby Ranch or get a half gallon of Monarch at the state store or need to pay for a cab ride home from… well,  from just about any place I suppose.

She concocted several homemade delights and labeled each one as follows:

Friday dinner-

Saturday breakfast-

Saturday lunch-

Saturday dinner-

Sunday…

You get the idea.

In Alabama’s world, her husband is completely helpless when it comes to domestic stuff like cooking and cleaning. But you know what? I can drive through Jack in the Box and get a 9 lb gut bomb with a 55- gallon drum-o- soda the same as any obese teenager.

I ain’t helpless.

Just to prove it, the first thing I did this afternoon was down the bottle of Champaign my niece and her girlfriend left in the fridge for Mimosas on New Year’s. Then I got my chubby ass out there and snow-blew the driveway with my Ranchking 8hp dual stage unit. The same unit I had to buy twice; once from Cal-Ranch and once from the Ex after she got it in the divorce but then didn’t want it anymore, so you know I have a super special attachment to it.

The piece of shit  is stuck in 2^nd gear and you can’t disengage the main worm drive because the switch is broken, so you gotta be careful not to get drug into the thing while it’s running, but I was super careful because I had a couple, so you know, it was all good.

Man I wish I hadn’t left both chainsaws down in Rockland, the upper branches on the trees in the back yard could really use a good trimming…

No worries, instead,  after a few vodka martini’s, I’m planning on doing a bit of rewiring out in the garage on the main electrical panel. The GFCI in the kitchen trips every time I try to rinse the crumbs out of the toaster in the sink. More than likely just an undersized breaker, I can swap one of those things out in 5 minutes.

I should have all my mid-winter projects done by tomorrow sometime, so if anyone needs some plumbing or heating repairs done in the evening, just swing by and pick me up. I’ll be way too fucked up to drive, but by God I’ll be happy to rip out your furnace or redo your septic system with a sledge hammer.

Also, best we don’t tell Alabama about any late night home repair, at least not until she gets back on Monday. No need to worry her pretty little head about such things while she’s away.

I was listening to NPR on the way home from work last night. Robert Siegel was doing a piece on All Things Considered titled Climbing down the fiscal cliff.  Siegel had a panel of hoity-toity experts from fancy newspapers and economists and other “educated” folks who claim to know more than the average 100 IQ American.

As I listened, I thought the tone of all the panelists seemed pretty negative. The overall consensus was the baby-boomers sold future generations out for huge luxury homes, swank trucks & cars, and exotic vacations to Europe and Knott’s Berry Farm.

My generation did this by electing Republicans and Democrats who represented their own selfish interests over the well-being of the nation and were/are not capable of telling any real truths to their constituents.

Truths like; no, we can’t afford a $300 billion defense system. No, we can’t afford to defend the world from communism/terrorism/socialism/fascism. No, you are going to have to pay more tax if you want state of the art freeways and cheap gas and health care and social security. No, you don’t get to make $100,000 a year without an education and a viable skill set.

According to Siegel’s panel, it’s all the Baby-boomers fault because we were selfish, arrogant, greedy, lazy, uneducated assholes and now that we pegged the $16.39 trillion debt ceiling back in December, there is no way to get out of this mess without drastic, real life, serious across the board cuts.

The panel claimed by 2025 (the year I retire by the way),  based on the same percentage budget numbers our country has been living on since the early 70’s, we will no longer have the ability to make the interest payment on the national debt, let alone pay it down.

The panel claimed that even if we cut all defense and social program budgets by 33% and raised taxes across the board by 24% tomorrow, it would still take 30 years to pay the national debt off. In a more realistic budget, they determined it will take hundreds of years to pay off the debt we have already racked up.

The panel concluded the United States of America is broke, and has been broke for over 40 years, but the American populous doesn’t wanna hear it. We prefer to elect corrupt politicians who whisper sweet nothings in our ear so we won’t notice them jamming their erections of greed so far up our asses it makes our eyes bulge.

Well I’m here to tell you that’s all bullshit.

Interest rates are at an all-time low, uneducated morons can still make far more money than an astrophysicist or a neurosurgeon by schlepping face cream or catching a ball, Detroit offers a  new line of $80,000 pickup trucks build by ridiculously overpaid union labor, and by God you can still privately purchase more AR-15’s and Glocks and AK-47’s than the entire Ivory Coast army has stockpiled.

Yep, life is good! Nothing to worry about, just keep consuming. Buy that 6000 sq ft house up on the hill you always thought you needed; hey you went to high school. You deserve it!

Ford has that new F-900 ultra-supercab-eight-door-mega-cluster urban utility truck with your name on it. Get one or be a loser.

And the guns, OMG the guns! I get a WMD boner just thinking about how much freedom I can buy at my local Super Walmart. Until you have several thousand stashed away for safe keeping, you just can’t guarantee your freedom.

Stop worrying about paying credit card interest payments with another high interest rate credit card. It’s just common sense American economics, if the country runs short on money, the Federal Reserve will just print more; if you run short of money, just get another credit card.

Fuck it! This is America bitches, the greatest country the world has ever known! God loves all Americans, that’s why we have His name on all our money. He will never let anything bad happen to us. We are His chosen children.

Remember, all Americans die rich and go to heaven, and live for ever and ever in luxury housing, and drive giant 4x4s and hotrods, and have lots and lots of assault weapons to protect our perfect family units from evil once we get there!

Bottom line on this “economic-crisis-debt-ceiling-doom-and-gloom” crap:

The American God of freedom will take care of us all, so just relax, float down stream and enjoy the ride.

I noticed the pre-cancerous basal cells are back on my face again. So applying average American voter logic, I’m gonna call 1^st Street plumbing and have a repairman come over and take a look to see if he can treat the sun damaged areas on my melon.

Then, using this same indisputable “greatest political system the world has ever known” logic, I’m gonna drop my truck off at Staker Floral and have them figure out why my battery keeps going dead, ask my next door neighbor’s high school kid for retirement advice, and see if I can’t get one of the overpaid orthopedic surgeons at EIRMC to install a new furnace at my house.

Sounds pretty insane doesn’t it?

Yet unbelievably, we Americans run to the polls every two years and elect, and re-elect, politicians who are totally unqualified to legislate. Who put the country so far in debt there is no way out without serious cuts to our social programs and real tax hikes across the board?

Every single congressman and senator and president elected since the Eisenhower administration. This isn’t a red or blue issue, all 535 of them, putting self interest ahead of the well being of their constitutes over the past sixty years are to blame.

We have essentially given up on reducing the national debt, we can’t even get through one fiscal budget without adding another trillion to it, and it’s digressed to the point even the most renowned economic experts can’t agree on the best path forward.

Harry Reid and Barack Obama are lawyers while John Boehner worked briefly at Nucite Sales, a small sales business in packaging and plastics. These assholes are no more qualified to get us out of our economic mess than I am.  They don’t have a fucking clue how to fix anything that complicated, any more than a plumber can treat skin cancer.

And these are the elected assholes in charge of the other elected assholes?

Face it, we’re fucked.

Idaho’s Mormon Bishop in Washington, Mike Crapo, another lawyer, can’t talk his way out of a DUI? But we really think this dipshit has the ability to develop a five thousand page budget for the largest economy on the planet?  This guy doesn’t even have the moxie to properly practice his own religion.

Remember Larry Craig, the longest serving US Senator from Idaho since Billy Borah? Good lord, this guy was giving hand jobs in public bathrooms. But golly, he sure was great while he was voting for massive military spending, paid for with money we didn’t have,  while sitting on the board of directors for the NRA.

And let’s not forget the ultimate unqualified moron. The guy who has never set foot in a class room but would have been making the calls about our children’s education at a national level if the corporate raider Romney had been elected; the guy with the mail order diploma in Weights and Measures, Idaho’s headmaster of public education; Tom Luna.

So what will happen tomorrow with all this fiscal cliff bullshit?

Nothing.

The jaded morally bankrupt crew we keep sending to our nation’s capital will come up with yet another overspent budget that ensures the rich stay rich and they get re-elected under the guise that in ten years it will save a bunch of money. But, exactly like using your credit card to make the payments on the other seven credit cards that have been maxed out; the national debt will NEVER be paid down.

The heyday of living in the richest country is drawing to a close. But we’ll never hear that from the carpetbaggers in Washington bleeding our economy dry.

“Everything is fine. Remain calm. We have things under control. It’s the other party’s fault. Let’s talk about the real issues in America, like abortion and gay marriage our God given right to own lots and lots of super bad-ass assault rifles.”

I can not believe we are all so gullible and naive.

Oh, I almost forgot… Happy New Year!

“What the fuck kinda dickhead would wanna own something like that?” was my Dad’s response as a vet and  seasoned firearms trader  to the first AK-47  he saw for sale at the Idaho Falls Armoury gun show back in 1973.

“Fucking communist.” Dad spewed in the sellers face.

“If you need 30 rounds to drop a disgusting mule deer, GO BACK TO RUSSIA WHERE YOU BELONG SHITHEAD!”

Granted, not all who live in Idaho find mule “deer” disgusting to eat, but we Worly’s sure do. Then again, folks down in Utah don’t raise an eyebrow when it comes to wolfing down some nasty Island Park baited-marshmallow-caught  planted rainbow “trout”…

So who are we do judge?

Oh, that’s right…We’re Idahoans, and that makes us about 39.446% better than the rest of the western states. Look it up, it’s science.

Anyhoo,

The 1973 guy behind the folding table schlepping his Godless commie paraphernalia damned near swallowed his tongue when my Dad laid in to him. I thought Dad was gonna drag this long haired NRA loving California maggot out by his chickenshit goatee and cut his fucking throat right then and  there in front of every freedom loving Idahoan in the place.

But sadly, a whole crowd of dipshit tiny-dicked Christian jack-offs crowded around the long haired  NRA loving California maggot’s table and bought his communist WMD’s. $99 Russian built AK-47s, never fired…

And now it’s 2012 Christmas time. The time of year every red-blooded American cherishes most. Well, at least every Christian American. Time to give the world a big hug, throw a $250 tax deductible donation at the soup line, buy your kids a bunch of material shit they don’t need or deserve, and try to feel good about yourself as a human being until next Xmas.

Yeah, we’re super humanitarians.

Unbelievably, we’re all shocked and horrified when some whack job NRA infected  misfit gets his hands on the American equivalent to the  AK-47 and guns down our children in Connecticut.

“Oh, the poor kid was disturbed. Not enough hugs from the mother he murdered.”

If guns were drugs, it’s like;  Hey, we legalized heroin, and crack and meth…  because alcohol is legal and we need our freedom! They’re are all the same right?

As a avid  firearm enthusiast, I can proudly proclaim I have NEVER owned a firearm capable of killing 20 children with one clip, anymore than I would  possess a syringe filled with meth or heroin, or a pipe filled with  crack.

I’m an American and I’m an Idahoan.

I do not need nor want any AK47/AR15/Glock19/blah blah blah in my country or my state. Those are weapons originally designed by communist regimes to murder civilians.

I am not a  murdering communist nor do I need an assault rifle to make my dick bigger.

Above all, I do not fear my government. I love my country, I love my son who is proudly serving  our country (yes, you’re all welcome you ungrateful cock-knockers) and contrary to popular NRA propaganda,  I LOVE THE GOVERNMENT THAT MY FAMILY HAS SERVED FOR 5 GENERATIONS.

It breaks my heart to see my fellow firearm enthusiasts digress to this 2nd Amendment stupidity to defend the deaths of these kids… our kids.

I hope every time one of my fellow gun owning Idahoans drives out to our environmentally protected areas to shoot a few hundred .223 rounds at  bottles and cans, the mess always left behind to rot mind you,  they realize freedom isn’t free.

Twenty children at Sandy Hook Elementary way out east in Connecticut  paid the ultimate price for your freedom to crack off a few innocent  semi-auto shots at the lava flows west of town with your communist inspired WMDs.

Because it’s fun? That’s the argument?

Well, please go fuck yourselves you heartless redneck commie vermin.

I for one will dutifully drive to the sanctioned range west of Rexburg, fire  my 20 sight-in rounds at 100 yards through my 30.06 Ruger M77, and feed my family with a clear conscience as I have done for the past 35 years.

And with that, Merry Christmas and God bless us everyone.

Except you needle-dicked commie fucks who own assault rifles.

Fuck you guys. More than likely, you don’t even hunt.